Communication and understanding are crucial to every relationship, and especially in a relationship with a teenager. If you are a parent, youth worker, counsellor or teacher, this article contains practical tips to keeping the lines of communication open with the teenagers in your world.
1. Keep Communicating. Even if they do not seem to be listening, keep communicating. Ask them about what they are interested in. If you work as an accountant and they are passionate about music, do not hold a conversation based on numbers. Ask them about their music and why they like it. Listen to it with them.
2. Be Genuine. Teenagers can spot a fake a mile away. If you have an alternative agenda for communicating with them you may as well forget it!
3. Invest Time. There is a quote that says 'People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.' You could know all about the artists they listen to and the movies they watch, but if you do not genuinely care, neither do they. Show them that you care by doing an activity that they enjoy. Go shopping, horse riding, walking, dancing or to the movies. Take them to do something that they would enjoy.
4. Give Them Privacy. Let them know you are there for them if they want to talk about anything but if they do not want to, give them their privacy. Sometimes everyone wants to be alone. Do not torment your teenagers!
5. Believe In Them. Continually tell them you believe in who they are and not in what they accomplish in life. Sometimes all a young person needs is someone to believe in them and then they start to believe in themselves.
6. Do Not Embarrass Them. Parents can sometimes be offended when their teenager tells them that they are embarrassed by their presence, but think back to when you were a teenager. If your Dad ran down the street in his dressing gown and slippers with your lunch that you forgot, you would be embarrassed. If you were having a slumber party and your Mum came in to kiss you goodnight and you are 17 years old, you would be embarrassed too.
7. Set Boundaries. If you are a parent and your teenagers live at home, you are perfectly entitles to set boundaries on their behaviours based on what you believe. My Mum's motto was 'My house, My rules.' They will grudgingly respect you for it. You do not have to tolerate what they tell you their friends are allowed to do in their house if you are not happy with it.
8. Be Open About Teenage Sex. You may not want to believe it, but teenage pregnancies are on the rise and that means that teenagers are having sex! If your teenager is currently in a relationship, or you suspect they are but they have not yet told you, you especially need to discuss this with them. If you are not comfortable talking with your teenagers about this, pick up a few leaflets on contraceptives, drugs and relationships from your local Doctor's Office and give them to them to read.
9. When To Seek Professional Help. If your teenager is displaying signs of depression, self harm or suicide, do not deny this or try to cover it up, but seek professional help. It may be that a relationship break up effected them more than you realised, or failing an exam made them feel a failure and lead them to self harm.
10. Respect Their Opinions. Just because a person has not reached 20 and may not have as much life experience as you, it does not mean that they do not have some valid opinions. Respect their opinions, do not brush them off.
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